Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
