i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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