i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
