just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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