We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
