Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
