what day is it and did you see me today?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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