Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
