Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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