So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
