i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Less talking, more tequila
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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