did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
