She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
