i don't like sucking hair
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
