She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
