Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
