I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
did i walk over a car last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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