in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
