Im at strip club and am horny
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
