I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
