Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
