What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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