some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
