I smell stomach acid.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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