at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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