btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
