I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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