it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
