u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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