Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
