Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
