My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
