You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its not stalking. its research.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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