If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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