Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
