You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
