When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
