Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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