Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
