I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
