Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
