3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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