Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
