is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
