OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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