i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
