Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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