We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Randomize
