do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
