dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
