having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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