You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ttyl tear gas
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
