If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
