break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
