the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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