Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
